Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Best "Out of Office" Automatic e-mail Replies:
1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I
fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.
2 . You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of
the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.
3. Sorry to have missed you, but I am at the doctor's having my brain
and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.
4. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you
send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail
will be deleted in the order it was received.
5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99
for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
6. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is
unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.
(The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many
in-duh-viduals did this over and over.)
7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing
system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply
in approximately 19 weeks.
8. Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me.
Please wait by your PC for my response.
9. I've run away to join a different circus.
10. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons.
When I return, please refer to me as 'Lucille' instead of Steve.
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Friday, June 22, 2007
Monday, June 18, 2007
Chipmonk: Try dees delicious salted peanut. I foraged eet just for you. [Places tempting peanut on lips]
Wine just shot out my nose looking at this pic. Cheers, Cristen L.
Sunday, June 17, 2007
United Airlines employee on PA: Okay, ladies and gentlemen, we're going to use the last-one-on-is-a-rotten-egg method of boarding here.
Overheard by: Hour-and-a-Half Delayed
Pilot, as the seatbelt sign goes off: All rise.
--Airtran flight from Atlanta to LaGuardia
Overheard by: Debbie Kate
Smart Stays with You, Sweetie
Mother: You're so pretty.
Four-year-old daughter, stomping: Don't call me pretty! I need to be smart and pretty!
Mother: Okay, you're smart.
Four-year-old daughter, crying: Nooo! Mom! Don't just say 'smart.' Say 'smart and pretty.' It needs to be both! I can't just be smart! Smart and pretty, together!
--Park Ave South
Overheard in New York
We Could Always Put on Miniskirts, Go to Times Square, and Test My Theory
European girl: My mother is from Norway and my father is from Ireland.
Chinese girl: I'm purebred. If humans sold like puppies, I'd sell for way more than you.
Overheard in New York
Which Probably Means I'm Your Biological Father after All
Five-year-old boy: Daddy, why is Mommy crying?
Unemotional father: Son, your mother is crying because you are an asshole.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Saturday, June 09, 2007
Dad: I will neither confirm nor deny the veracity of that statement at this time.
12-year-old skater kid: What a nerd. Mom?
Mom: Depends where it was, honey.
12-year-old skater kid, into cell: Dude, where did she kiss you?
--Toys "R" Us
Monday, June 04, 2007
Saturday, June 02, 2007
Ruminations on the life of Bob Dylan, where seven characters embody a different aspect of the musician's life and work.